Tuesday, February 17, 2009

George Bush is NOT the worst president ever.

He's the SIXTH worst president ever, according to a bunch of historians who rated all the US presidents on stupid stuff like honesty and competence.

I was curious as to who could have possibly fucked things up worse than George Bush, so I took a stroll through the biggest boneheads in presidential history.

Coming in FIFTH is Warren G. Harding. He's best known for having one of the most scandal-ridden administrations in US history and was saved from impeachment by having the good fortune to die in office.

FOURTH in the worst presidential pile-up is William Harrison whose main distinction was serving between two terms of Grover Cleveland, making him the meat of a Cleveland Sandwich, not to be confused with the slightly less appealing Cleveland Steamer.
Number THREE in our cavalcade of less than stellar executive lights is Franklin Pierce, who is best remembered for his hair.

Holding down the NUMBER TWO SLOT in CINC stinkeroos is Andrew Johnson, a guy who came to the office after Lincoln was shot. Lincoln is, admittedly, a tough act to follow. But Johnson is best known for letting crazy Republicans (we had them then, too) toss out Lincoln's appeal to our better natures. Instead, they passed the repressive Reconstruction act on the Southern states, pissing off a lot of people and building up a heap of resentment that, ironically, feeds the Republican base today.
Johnson was the only president to be impeached without the benefit of a BJ.

And FIRST of the worst, the one that all the historians love to hate, is James Buchanan. He came right before Lincoln, which made Lincoln's job of looking capable easier, no doubt, but he also handed the incoming Abe a long-standing squabble that blew up into the Civil War. You might have heard of it. It was in all the papers.

Not all historians agree with this list, of course. Some rank President Bush much higher. They say he's not the SIXTH worst president. He's the SEVENTH, right after Millard Fillmore.

Millard Fillmore is another guy who stank up the oval office just before Lincoln. But he is not to be confused with Mallard Fillmore, easily the worst political cartoon ever. And I don't think we need any historians to weigh in on that.

So I apologize for ever suggesting Bush was the worst president ever. He's just the worst of the last 80 years.
Something to argue over on a cold, gray, rainy Wednesday in February.


Graham Powell said...

Harding may actually have been poisoned by his wife. And Pierce had an excuse - during his train trip down to the inaguration, there was an accident and his young son was killed right in front of him, which led him to become an alchoholic.

David Terrenoire said...

Wow, thanks for those, Graham. I didn't know that about Pierce.

Proving once again that the Planet's readers are actually too smart to be reading the Planet.

Anonymous said...

William Harrisson was the ninth president and served one month before dying of pnemonia

The president between Cleveland's terms was William Harrisson' grandson, Benjamin Harrison

Anonymous said...

Always felt bad for Pierce and his poor wife Jane. The top of their son's head was sheared off in a train accident. As Mr. Powell said, right in front of them. Their son Bennie was killed instantly :/