It seems I've been mistaken about George W. Bush. He really isn't gay, drunk, cowardly, incompetent or sleeping with Condi Rice. And I know the reason our Cowpoke-in-Chief doesn't ride a horse has nothing to do with his being afraid. It just looks that way. No, this administration is an efficient, well-run machine and Bush's compassion, intellectual rigor and work ethic should be models for us all.
What made me change my mind about The President™?
I'd really like to be able to board an airplane sometime in the near future.
It seems that people who have criticized The President™ are having problems getting on flights. Here's a letter [edited for short attention spans] from a retired Marine officer, decorated combat veteran, and professor of Constitutional law at Princeton:
"When I tried to use the curb-side check in at the Sunport, I was denied a boarding pass because I was on the Terrorist Watch list ... I presented my credentials from the Marine Corps to a very polite clerk for American Airlines. One of the two people to whom I talked asked a question and offered a frightening comment: 'Have you been in any peace marches? We ban a lot of people from flying because of that.'
I explained that I had not so marched but had ... given a lecture at Princeton, televised and put on the Web, highly critical of George Bush for his many violations of the Constitution.
'That'll do it,' the man said."
You can read the complete letter and more at Talking Points Memo.
So, all those terrible things I wrote about The President™ were the result of a chemical imbalance. Or someone else wrote them. I don't know, I can't recall and I'm pleading the Fifth.
From now on, The Planet will have nothing but praise for The President™ and his excellent leadership in these times of terror. Thank God for George Bush, the bestest president we've ever had.
Now can I get my boarding pass?
3 comments:
Only terrorists try to fly, son.
Are you a terrorist?
This email came from a friend last night. Maybe having it on your site will help...
Dread
"HOUSE # 1: A 20-room mansion (not including 8 bathrooms) heated by natural gas. Add on a pool (and a pool house) and a separate guest house all heated by gas. In ONE MONTH ALONE this mansion consumes more energy than the average American household in an ENTIRE YEAR. The average bill for electricity and natural gas runs over $2,400.00 per month. In natural gas alone (which last time we checked was a fossil fuel), this property consumes more than 20 times the national average for an American home. This house is not in a northern or Midwestern "snow belt," either. It's in the South (Tennessee, actually).
HOUSE # 2: Designed by an architecture professor at a leading national university, this house incorporates every "green" feature current home construction can provide. The house contains only 4,000 square feet (4 bedrooms) and is nestled on arid high prairie in the American southwest (yup...Texas). A central closet in the house holds geothermal heat pumps drawing ground water through pipes sunk 300 feet into the ground. The water (usually 67 degrees F.) heats the house in winter and cools it in summer. The system uses no fossil fuels such as oil or natural gas, and it consumes 25% of the electricity required for a conventional heating/cooling system. Rainwater from the roof is collected and funneled into a 25,000 gallon underground cistern. Wastewater from showers, sinks and toilets goes into underground purifying tanks and then into the cistern. The collected water then irrigates the land surrounding the house. Flowers and shrubs native to the area blend the property into the surrounding rural landscape.
HOUSE # 1 (20 room energy guzzling mansion) is outside of Nashville, Tennessee. It is the abode of that renowned environmentalist (and award-winner, Hollywood-beloved, Dem darling filmmaker) Al Gore...
HOUSE # 2 (model eco-friendly house) is on a ranch near Crawford, Texas. Also known as "the Texas White House," it is the private residence of the President of the United States, George W. Bush.
So whose house is gentler on the environment? Yet another story you WON'T hear on CNN, CBS, ABC, NBC, MSNBC or read about in the New York Times or the Washington Post. Indeed, for Mr. Gore, it's truly "an inconvenient truth."
NO KIDDING
Well if that came in an email, it MUST be true. Which reminds me - I need to respond to that guy in Nigeria who sent me that email about making me next of kin AND rich!
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