Naked breasts and Texas.

If you're a regular reader, you probably recognize certain themes at The Planet. There's the Bullshit in Politics theme. There's the News That Should Be Too Personal to Relate But Isn't theme.

And there's this one, a personal favorite. It's the Conservatives Are Freaks theme.

This time it involves a Texan Republican who came to Washington with a busload of Promise Keepers and was shocked by all the nekkid people he saw in the nation's capital.

Robert Hurt, a rancher, GOP delegate, and father of 14 (he kept his eyes closed the whole time, he says), told the Washington Post, "You don't have nude art on your front porch, so why is it important to have that in the common places of Washington, D.C.?"

Sadly, I don't have a front porch. But if I did, I'd happily have some of these naked pictures on it.

Of course, I'm a liberal, which means I'm already going to hell.

Or, to quote Jim Gaffigan, I'm practically sprinting there.

It's not that Mr. Hurt wants to curtail anybody's freedom. In fact, he said that he respects free speech, as long as you say stuff he agrees with and shows art he likes. Art with clothes on it.

"I believe art affects a country indirectly," Hurt said. "I have been studying the decline of morals in this country. It's sending the wrong message to children that nudity is fine, that nakedness is fine. . . . There are degrees of vulgarity, and it opens up the door for the other stuff."

That other stuff, that's the real problem. Imagine, if you let marble females show their naked lady lumps in public, before you know it, everyone will be walking around brazenly naked under their clothes and then where will we be?

Hurt hasn't been able to get anyone in power to cover up all the naked bosoms, winkies and bottoms in Washington, but he's not one to give up. He said he'll make another trip to DC to videotape the evidence.

That's right. He's going to videotape the evidence, so he can study it in the privacy of his home back in Texas.

When his wife is visting her sister in Amarillo.