I've worked in advertising for a long time, which means I'll most definitely be going to hell.
But before I go, let's look at some great moments in capitalism.
I've always been a little creeped out by edible critters advertising their luscious selves like little pink piggies selling pork barbecue or chickens happily hawking buckets of their fried family members. But this illustration from a French meat packer has got to take the trophy for weird.
Parents are always good targets for advertising. The little bastards always need new shoes or, if they're a little older, therapy. But what about products for parents? Leave it to the pharmaceutical industry to have that shit covered.
And if the little screamers get to be just too much, get them interested in science with this real toy from the 50's. This thing exposed children to a radioactive isotope that causes all sorts of lethal ailments. Cool, Mom!
Jesus, it's no wonder we're so fucked up.
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The cow ad reminds me of the great scene from Douglas Adams' "Restaurant at the End of the Universe":
A large dairy animal approached Zaphod Beeblebrox's table, a large fat meaty quadruped of the bovine type with large watery eyes, small horns and what might almost have
been an ingratiating smile on its lips.
'Good evening', it lowed and sat back heavily on its haunches, 'I am the main Dish of the Day. May I interest you in the parts of my body?'
It harrumphed and gurgled a bit, wriggled its hind quarters in to a more comfortable position and gazed peacefully at them.
Its gaze was met by looks of startled bewilderment from Arthur and Trillian, a resigned shrug from Ford Prefect and naked hunger from Zaphod Beeblebrox.
'Something off the shoulder perhaps?' suggested the animal,
'Braised in a white wine sauce?'
'Er, your shoulder?' said Arthur in a horrified whisper.
'But naturally my shoulder, sir,' mooed the animal contentedly, 'nobody else's is mine to offer.'
Zaphod leapt to his feet and started prodding and feeling the animal's shoulder appreciatively.
'Or the rump is very good,' murmured the animal. 'I've been
exercising it and eating plenty of grain, so there's a lot of good meat there.'
It gave a mellow grunt, gurgled again and started to chew the cud. It swallowed the cud again.
'Or a casserole of me perhaps?' it added.
'You mean this animal actually wants us to eat it?' whispered
Trillian to Ford.
'Me?' said Ford, with a glazed look in his eyes, 'I don't mean
anything.'
'That's absolutely horrible,' exclaimed Arthur, 'the most revolting thing I've ever heard.'
'What's the problem Earthman?' said Zaphod, now transfering his
attention to the animal's enormous rump.
'I just don't want to eat an animal that's standing there inviting me to,' said Arthur, 'It's heartless.'
'Better than eating an animal that doesn't want to be eaten,' said Zaphod.
'That's not the point,' Arthur protested. Then he thought about it
for a moment. 'Alright,' he said, 'maybe it is the point. I don't
care, I'm not going to think about it now. I'll just ... er ... I
think I'll just have a green salad,' he muttered.
'May I urge you to consider my liver?' asked the animal,'it must be very rich and tender by now, I've been force-feeding myself for months.'
'A green salad,' said Arthur emphatically.
'A green salad?' said the animal, rolling his eyes disapprovingly at Arthur.
'Are you going to tell me,' said Arthur, 'that I shouldn't have
green salad?'
'Well,' said the animal, 'I know many vegetables that are very clear on that point. Which is why it was eventually decided to cut through the whole tangled problem and breed an animal that actually wanted to be eaten and was capable of saying so clearly and distinctly. And here I am.'
It managed a very slight bow.
'Glass of water please,' said Arthur.
'Look,' said Zaphod, 'we want to eat, we don't want to make a meal of the issues. Four rare steaks please, and hurry. We haven't eaten in five hundred and seventy-six thousand million years.'
The animal staggered to its feet. It gave a mellow gurgle.
'A very wise choice, sir, if I may say so. Very good,' it said, 'I'll just nip off and shoot myself.'
He turned and gave a friendly wink to Arthur. 'Don't worry, sir,' he said, 'I'll be very humane.'
It waddled unhurriedly off to the kitchen.
I need some of those energy Labs to give to my co-workers. What a great idea.-SDA.
You know David, it takes quite a bit to creep me out, but that cow ad did it. It's smiling for cryin' out loud. Eew.
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