Are you an Achiever? Are you looking for a cash machine? Can you get me a toe?
In other words, are you a Lebowski? Of course you are.
My nephew recently inaugurated his new home theater with TBL, and why not? It's got to be one of the best movies ever made.
I recently bought I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski. Buy a copy for the Achiever on your list.
If you're a fan of the film (and who isn't?), you might wonder just how they can run it on television, what with all the F-bombs. Thankfully, the book gives us a look inside the televised Big Lebowski.
Here is a short list of some of the lines they had to change to protect the children:
Original: They peed on my fucking rug.
TV Version: They peed on my valued rug.
Original: Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
TV Version: Am I the only one around here who gives a stick about the rules?
Original: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
TV Version: I'll slurp your Coke for a thousand dollars.
Original: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
TV version: This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
I used some pretty rough language in Beneath A Panamanian Moon. I thought it was appropriate, but Mom was a little uncomfortable. Ah, well.
Every writer I know gets hit with the language question sooner or later so, this is for you. Let's imagine one of your books gets made into a feature film and when it goes to TV they have to dub G-rated, politically-correct language in to make up for your original potty-mouthed dialogue.
For instance, in BAPM:
Original: "Goddamn taco-bending goat fucker."
TV Version: "Gosh darn tempo-friendly coat fluffer."
So try this, Planeteers. Pick one from your own (or your favorite) nasty manuscript and give it the kid-friendly treatment.
Did you know they make Nihilist gum and it has no flavor? Really.