Are you an Achiever? Are you looking for a cash machine? Can you get me a toe?In other words, are you a Lebowski? Of course you are.
My nephew recently inaugurated his new home theater with TBL, and why not? It's got to be one of the best movies ever made.
I recently bought I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski. Buy a copy for the Achiever on your list.
If you're a fan of the film (and who isn't?), you might wonder just how they can run it on television, what with all the F-bombs. Thankfully, the book gives us a look inside the televised Big Lebowski.
Here is a short list of some of the lines they had to change to protect the children:
Original: They peed on my fucking rug.
TV Version: They peed on my valued rug.
Original: Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules?
TV Version: Am I the only one around here who gives a stick about the rules?
Original: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.
TV Version: I'll slurp your Coke for a thousand dollars.
Original: This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass.
TV version: This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps.
I used some pretty rough language in Beneath A Panamanian Moon. I thought it was appropriate, but Mom was a little uncomfortable. Ah, well.
Every writer I know gets hit with the language question sooner or later so, this is for you. Let's imagine one of your books gets made into a feature film and when it goes to TV they have to dub G-rated, politically-correct language in to make up for your original potty-mouthed dialogue.
For instance, in BAPM:
Original: "Goddamn taco-bending goat fucker."
TV Version: "Gosh darn tempo-friendly coat fluffer."
So try this, Planeteers. Pick one from your own (or your favorite) nasty manuscript and give it the kid-friendly treatment.
Did you know they make Nihilist gum and it has no flavor? Really.
8 comments:
My favorite (not original to me) from the Pacino Scarface:
"Oh yeah? Well, thaaaannnk you! Thank me? No, thank you!"
From my own, Dirty Sweet:
"That is one stone-cold motherfucking faggot."
To protect the kiddies:
"That is one stone-cold man's man."
If you are really depressed, as I am now, it doesn't work. You need a certain gay-heartedness to appreciate it.
Patti,
Sometimes it's the season. Do what I do. I get really drunk and run over a mall Santa. Picks me up every time.
I hesitated to post something out of context.
Sometimes it is the season, a tough time of year. Lately my mantra has been, "This, too, will pass."
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.
Every dumb fuck knows that every loaded mother fucker what ain't married wants for himself a money-grubbing whore.
Wait. I think I got that the wrong way around.
This scene from The Wire on broadcast TV:
"Oh, my."
"My goodness."
"Gracious."
etc.
Original:
Shit Cracker, you're one crazy funny ass, dog-fucker!
G-Rated:
Shoot cranky, you're one crazy funny asset, donkey!
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