Who's searching for you?

I have a Facebook account which I look at, but don't fool with much. Nobody cares about what I had for lunch (chicken soup and a salad), what TV shows I hulu (30 Rock & Colbert Report) or what CD I plan to buy (Steve Earle's Townes ).

But every time I do check in I see this ad in the corner with the headline, "Who's been searching for you?" and a picture of a beautiful, often busty young girl staring out at me with the promise that maybe it's her, maybe that's the girl who's been Googling me, desperate for a romantic relationship with a short, 59-year-old, married man with a paunch.

Sure. And yes, those are monkeys flying out of my butt, why do you ask?

Most of these girls don't look old enough to buy alcohol, and if they can't make a mercy run down to the ABC store for me, what good are they?

And I seriously doubt they would appreciate my love of blues from the 50's, friends in their 50's, and my 50 Reasons to Go to Bed Early.

So, while the thought that a sweet young thing has a secret crush on me makes my old heart go pitty-pat (or is that arrhythmia?), I suspect that if anyone's looking for me, it's either the law, a guy with a grudge, or some dude from Nigeria who wants to give me money.

Either way, I'm not answering that call.