Bad news for John Rickards.

"...you won’t find men’s genitalia in quality literature," said librarian Dana Nilsson.

This rather abrupt and sweeping castration of "quality literature" was instigated by this year's winner of the Newbery Medal, the big kahuna of kid lit accolades. The book is "The Higher Power of Lucky," and from what I can tell, it has little to do with God or 12-step programs.

But it does have the word "scrotum" in it and as Big Bill would say, "Aye, there's the rub."

Because even a passing mention of all that is south of the beltline has the more sensitive among us clutching our faux pearls and calling out for a book banning, if not burning.

Not that the author, Susan Patron, set out to rub anyone the wrong way. In fact, she never, ever mentions men's genitalia. She does, however, have her heroine overhear someone say they saw a rattlesnake bite a dog on the scrotum. Ouch. And in a Santorum-like leap, Dana Nilsson read dog scrotum and thought about men and their jiggly parts, proving just how dangerous these words in these books can be.

Which coincidentally ties into the recent story about a theater in Florida catching heat for putting up The Vagina Monologues on their marquee, because a mother didn't want to tell her daughter what a vagina was, or even that the little girl had one, for fear she might actually look down and see it and wonder what it was for.

God forbid we use theater or books as springboards to education, not if that education focuses young attention on those tingly areas that wise parents refer to as "the devil's place." Because, children don't need to know about their bodies, not ever. Take it from me, those dangly bits just lead to jail time and trouble, so it's best to not talk of them at all.

The author lives in California, naturally, where I assume people talk about scrotums willy-nilly, children be damned. Ms. Patron said she was stunned because the story of the rattlesnake chomping on the canine nutsack was true. And, as the left coast author said, "...one of the themes of the book is that Lucky is preparing herself to be a grown-up. Learning about language and body parts, then, is very important to her."

Then she goes on to reveal just how truly twisted she is by saying that “The word [scrotum] is just so delicious.”

I'll bet that in your hippie-dippie, Free Love world it is delicious, Ms. Patron. But in God-fearing Bush country, we don't think about the taste of scrotums unless we're invited to a teabagging party and then I suggest you rub a bit of almond extract down there in consideration of your partner.

So, people, before you start using grown-up words to describe your naughty parts in those filthy books you write, I suggest you consider your audience and instead use child-friendly words like "peaches," "man kiwi," and "junque" instead.