I love euphemisms for the horizontal hula. There's everything from the baseball fan's charging the mound to the former altar boy's dunking the bishop. So I was particularly pleased to read that in the UK, Discussing Uganda has become the euphemism du jour for extramarital bouts of hide the banger.The story is, a young woman had an illicit tryst at a party and when asked what she and the gentleman were doing upstairs, she responded, "Discussing Uganda." I like that.
"What did you do this weekend?"
"Oh, not much. The wife and I stayed home and discussed Uganda until we couldn't walk."
I was surprised to discover, after a bit of research, that certain groups have specific euphemisms for checking the old oil. For instance, accountants can file an extension, Canadians can stuff the beaver, and Star Wars fans can shake hands with the wookie. Politicians can enter Congress and lawyers can raise an objection, but what about writers? According to my quick search of the web, writers are as useless as a eunuch at a teabagging.
So I've come up with a few euphemisms of my own. Here, for the first time ever, is a list of writers' eupemisms for making the beast with two backs:
1. Inserting an exclamation
2. Foreshadowing the climax
3. Employing the active voice
4. Sharpening the pencil
5. Penning a romance
6. Simultaneous submissions
7. Pulling a Reacher
8. Polishing the query
9. Pillaging the slush pile
10. Interviewing the wombat
What are your euphemisms for love spelunking? Come on, give it up. You know you want to.
9 comments:
No "dangling the participle"? I'm disappointed.
I've always been fond of the rather mild "playing snugglebunnies".
(So glad you're blogging again..)
Thank you, rae. I'm glad I am, too.
Well, lately I've been:
* Extending the deadline.
* Pounding the ol' keyboard (sounds a bit too much like self-abuse)
* Polishing the draft.
* And submitting the manuscript.
But don't tell my wife.
Bob,
So glad you stopped pounding the keyboard long enough to stop by.
Laying pipe...?
(and ditto on the dark planet having light again)
Generally I like to spend time "banging away at the keyboard".
But when the keyboard's not available I tend to "fiddle with my main character".
And only now I notice Bob's "Pounding the ol' keyboard (sounds a bit too much like self-abuse)"
Which makes both of my offerings sound very much like self abuse. I think I'd better go visit my girlfriend and ask if I can split her infinitive.
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