Monday, May 11, 2009

Hey pal...

fail owned pwned pictures

...if you don't like our justice system now, you sure won't like it when your cellmate wants to cuddle.

So you don't strain your eyes reading this guy's scrawl, here's what this upstanding citizen sent to the court, explaining why he couldn't be part of a jury:

Apparently you morons didn’t understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I’m not putting my familys wellbeing at stake to participate in this crap. I don’t believe in our “justice” system and I don’t want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the f–k alone.

I thought the bit about counting the wrinkles on his dog's balls creative, but not in a way that's going to impress the county lockup's literary community.

I believe every person should show up for jury duty, if for no other reason than to hear how important other people's lives are. Really, there are more essential people than I thought.

When I showed up for jury duty a few years ago, we were being seated for a murder trial (another story for another day) and there was one woman who decided she would, like our citizen up there, have none of it.

During voir dere, she started by saying that her father was a prison guard, her brother a cop, she thought anyone arrested was guilty of something, even if it wasn't for the crime charged, and not only did she believe in the death penalty, she wanted it extended to other offenses, like being Mexican or chewing food with your mouth open.

Needless to say, they dismissed her. A much more practical, yet no less efficient way of ducking jury duty than the one our upright citizen chose. And it has the added attraction of no jail time! Bonus!

(my legal friends - I'm looking at you Dusty - can fill us in on what is the possible punishment for shenanigans like this. I'm curious.)

This is from the estimable Failblog, or course, one of my favorite sites. Whenever I feel like a complete knucklehead, this place makes me realize that there's a whole other league of moronic behavior out there than what I've engaged in.



JD Rhoades said...

(my legal friends - I'm looking at you Dusty - can fill us in on what is the possible punishment for shenanigans like this. I'm curious.)An order will be issued for the wayward juror to "appear and show cause" why they shouldn't be held in contempt for failure to obey the jury summons. The person stands up before the judge, explains why they didn't come (the most common excuse is that they simply forgot about it, but other excuses include exams that couldn't be missed, family illnesses, etc). Most often what happens is that the judge asks "can you come on this date instead?" and just reschedules them.

The guy who wrote that letter, however, would most likely be held in criminal contempt (up to 30 days and/or a $500.00 fine).

My favorite story in this line is the one where the guy asked to be excused from jury service becuase he had a disabling back injury and could not sit for more than 15 minutes or so without excruciating pain. He was dismissed, but then brought back in a few days later because one of the bailiffs saw him working at a job laying brick. The reason the bailiff was able to tell was that the job site was the courthouse steps.

norby said...

When I went for jury duty a lady actually used her restless legs as an excuse for getting out of jury duty. I think the judge just didn't want to spend the day watching her look oppressed in the jury box.

Joe Saundercook said...

Being a salaryman who could take a few days off without inconveniencing anybody but my boss ("Where's Saundercook with those TPS reports?!?!?"), I don't want to be too harsh a critic of anybody whose livelihood may actually hang by a thread. At the same time, though, I think this lout should spend some time performing some active citizenry. My vote: Let's make him pick up trash at the side of the road during his off-hours (he can bring the wife and kids with him so he doesn't miss out on together-time) and -- here's the best part -- I'll take his place on the actual jury.

I've always wanted to be on one and have never been called. Pick ME. PICK ME.