When I set out to write that feature, the one with the gratuitous breast shots and inexpensive exploding mayhem, I bought a cheap but useful bit of screenwriting software that made the formatting tolerable. Apparently, that put me on a list.Because David Freeman is offering me a spot in his screenwriting class. Up there is one of the inside panels from his brochure. Hmmm, doesn't look like proofreading is covered.
But that doesn't dissuade this screenwriter. God knows I need professional help, so I checked out the course offering. Mr. Freeman promises to show me 10 techniques for creating complex characters, 25 types of character quirks or eccentricites, 37 techniques for giving my characters depth and techniques "to create interesting villains."
And here I've just been listening to the voices in my head. Had I known there were techniques, I would have signed up long ago.
But wait, you also get "14 techniques to capture the rhythm and sound of conversation in written dialogue." And that's just on Saturday. We have a whole other day of techniques to go.
Sunday we get 100, count 'em, 100 techniques for creating compelling plots and scenes, including 70 types of plot twists.
Why hell, I take this class, my next script will practically write itself. Sweet.
But I wasn't born in the turnip truck yesterday. I checked out Mr. Freeman on line and he's written a few movies. Four of them. And while I haven't seen them, I'm sure they're swell, what with all those techniques. But what really sold me was this line:
"This is the workshop taken by many novelists, as well as by the screenwriters, directors, producers, stars, and key creative and marketing executives from the companies which make or made:" and then a whole list of movies and TV shows follow, everything from Everybody Loves Raymond to Meet the Fockers. Yes, key creative and marketing executives have taken this course.
Elsewhere in the brochure, they tell me that if I sign up and pay my $400, I can get "Final Draft," the industry's gold-standard screenwriting software for the bargain price of $129 (and really, that is a bargain). Sadly, the offer is good only up to the end of November, 2005. So, lacking a time machine, I'm fucked.
But all things considered, it's good to know that someone out there is helping writers like myself develop characters with eccentricites (25 of them!) because all my people are hopelessly normal.
Unfortunately, I'll have to skip this seminar because right now I'm busy working on my drinking techniques. But if you're interested, I'll be happy to send you this brochure along with a copy of my cheapy screenwriting software, absolutely free.*
*Offer expires August 31, 2004.
9 comments:
What we're really interested in is how many techniques you've come up with for drinking.
Come on, send us THAT brochure.
I have actually heard great things about David Freeman's seminar from a professor I took a filmmaking course with at AFI. I'm hoping to take it at some point.
And he did co-write THE BORDER, which is a nice little film. Mind you, how much of that was him, and how much was Walon Green...
And I bet the brochure says nada about the rejection rate of its graduates. Yeah I was born at night, but not last night. And, when I talk, I sound like I just fell off the side of an Appalachian mountain, but I can assure you, I did not hit my head on a rock on the way down.
Hell; I've got more than 25 eccentricities myself. I'm southern, so it's a mandatory obligation. I think living here and writing here have imparted a few eccentricities on you too David. You're getting close to 25. Keep up the effort and you'll make it. Developing variety in your drinking techniques will contribute significantly to their development.
Dread
"Mr. Freeman promises to show me 10 techniques for creating complex characters, 25 types of character quirks or eccentricites"
I can show you that with my tongue tied behind my back
Hi, David. I thought Durham was small, but it turns out the internet is small, too. I was reading overheardinnewyork.com, saw "Headline by: David Terrenoire," and thought, "No, it couldn't be..." But of course, it is. Or you is. Anyway, hi.
-Jen (Sudi's assistant)
Welcome Jen,
But please do not correspond with anyone you meet here at the Planet. Half of them are in prison and the others are scam artists desperate enough to steal your grandma's purse.
That most of them are novelists is no coincidence.
What? You say that there are people in Hollywood who would exploit a person's dreams of fame and success just to make a quick buck?
I remember being out at a coffee place in Studio City and eavesdropping on a conversation between a swarthy agent and a young, silicone-enhanced, woman from Kansas who was stripping while she waited for her big break.
Surprisingly, the guy must have been a professional, because he told her there wasn't anything he could do for her and he didn't even invite her up to his place to see his etchings.
There are few things sadder than watching a stripper cry.
..you didn't tell me when I was with you ( ...were we 'compus mentis' by the way?) in Phoenix that you had perfected (or is it perfucked, or as we say over here 'perfecked' a series of drinking techniques! I will never forgive you - and I will ensure that my friends, the leprechauns, take away your Jamesons and your Bushmills license - and maybe your Guinness license as well..
...hiccuuuppp...
http://www.myspace.com/patmullan
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