Tuesday, February 21, 2006
One More Reason To Hate Clowns
I don't know what you did for your science fair, but my experiments never made headlines, except for that unfortunate fire which we won't go into here.
In Florida, twelve-year-old Jasmine Roberts has moved beyond the papier-mache and baking soda volcanoes with a science fair project that has reporters lining up for interviews. Her scientific findings?
Fast-food ice contains more bacteria, including E. coli, than toilet water. For those who slept through Biology class, E. coli is a killer that comes from human feces.
I'll let you chew on that for a moment.
"These bacteria don't belong there," said Dr. David Katz, Good Morning America's master of the bleeding obvious. Good thing they got a real live doctor to tell us these things, otherwise we'd think shit-borne bugs are a normal part of a Happy Meal.
Jasmine picked this project because all of her friends chew on ice, and it drives her crazy. When he heard about the idea, Jasmine's older brother said, "You're a strange little kid," proving my scientific hypothesis that older brothers are dicks.
Let us salute Junior Science Geek Jasmine Roberts, a youngster who's given new meaning to the Big Gulp.
But watch your back, kid.
I see a clown lurking in the forsythia.