Monday, April 24, 2006

Sean Hannity is helping this man reproduce.


Thanks to Jesus' General, we know this man is looking for a mate on Sean Hannity's on-line dating service. (Yes, there is such a thing.) He's called a Hannicatch, and catch he is. Below is his personal information, in his own words and spelling.

Ladies, you might want to check it out.

I dont like the other choices under language first off..If you dont speak English, git the heck out of my country! I dont like other races intermingling with my race, I think the man must defend his women and his race too. But I dont hate the other races, I just think they should git there own place!

And I love kids, they are God's gift to us for doing the evil deed... I have guns and ninja knives and I am looking to share them with that speshul someone. I am irratable when my flag is disrespected, or if queers get too close, but other than that my friends say im easy going unless I get drunk... I am a good protector and I love to be the man...And I love America!!!

I am good lookin and I can kick like a mule... I am athletic and have muscles...Shoes make me feel gay, so I wearboots...I am definately a briefs man..when I wear any...

I am looking for a woman that will stay at home with the kids and with grampaw... I am notpicky about looks, but I do like a bigger girl...I am for real, I need a good woman and I live by the bible... I love kids and wnat to raise them in a christian house that has rules and punishment for breaking the rules..like go to bed with no supper and wash the floor with a toothbrush...or I will git the numchuck out and spank your but! But not to hard cause I am a Christian

There you go, ladies, a real man who knows how to treat a woman.

18 comments:

Sandra Ruttan said...

Next time, insert points where you remind us to breathe, dammit! He makes a convent sound appealing.

David Terrenoire said...

Sandra,

I pray this is just a joke, but it's tough to tell.

And you wonder why the guy's still single.

M. G. Tarquini said...

Where'd y'all find such a good pichur of Couzin Jeb? He's once-removed on my daddy's side, twice-removed on my mama's, and downright ornery at the corn-shucking festival. Brother Bubba don't pay him much mind 'cepting when he bothers the sheep too much.

Liza

Boy Kim said...

Hey Ms (Mrs? Miss?) T... nothing wrong with sheep bothering.

David Terrenoire said...

Everyone knows sheep are damn liars.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Now there's a man who can lead this country through the dark times ahead. A real man! A man's man!

Oh, well, actually he says pretty specifically that he's not a man's man, doesn't he. Okay, well, he's got ninja knives and a "numchuck". Though, I'm not sure exactly what he's referring to there.

Ah, what a charmer. Ladies, here is your perfect man.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Aw, and all this time I've been moaning about you and David already being spoken for.

But all the rest aside, I can't marry a Christian. I have principles.

James Lincoln Warren said...

Um, how come the height lines behind him and the second picture (the one in profile) are missing?

Kim H said...

OMG, I'm dying laughing.

Lisa Hunter said...

Wait. I think I went to fifth grade with this guy. And his twin brother. And his triplet brother...

That was the year I lived with my grandparents in a small Southern town, with 19 churches, no movie theater, and a one-room library where half the books were about crocheting.

It rings so true, I can't tell whether it's hilarious or tragic.

JD Rhoades said...

I know this guy..I think I represented him last week in District Court.

Ron Hudson said...

Hey David...thanks for giving me a belly laugh. He shore does have a purty mouf...wonder if he wouldn't want to have a go with me if he got drunk enough to get ornery (you know, in the mood for some nasty deed-doing and repenting later). People wonder why I have renounced my religion. Go figure!

I agree, this seems to be a sick joke, but I just can't be sure...it must be the evil mullet.

Stuart MacBride said...

Mmm, evil mullet. Nice moustache too. But I think he's protesting a bit too much about this 'shoes make you gay' thing. All he needs is the leather police hat or construction worker outfit and he's a one man Village People tribute band.

I bet he's been probed by aliens too. It would explain the way his eyes look.

Steve Ordog said...

I want your permission to format this and take it with me to speed dating tonight! See you at the Bayou later.

Stephen D. Rogers said...

David,

I'm not sure what it says, how many more comments this post has generated over other posts. And I'm not sure I want to know.

Stephen

E. Ann Bardawill said...

**twitcH**

Sandra Ruttan said...

Liz, are you suggesting he looks like the guy from my Fucked Again story?

Anonymous said...

This guy is the perfect poster child for women staying single. YIKES!!!