Monday, May 22, 2006

Bill O'Reilly explains to David Brooks why he's such a loud-mouthed jerk.

Here's something I never knew existed - Google Trends. With it, you can enter anything and see which cities are looking up what phrases.

As regular readers know, I've talked about David Brooks, the columnist for the NYT and his obsession for Heartland Values. David believes that Red State America is a more moral place than the two Blue coasts where out-of-touch lefties live a Godless lifestyle that makes the baby Jesus drink himself to sleep.

Well, let's see who Googles phrases like anal sex, gay sex, lesbian sex, porn, and vibrator more than any other city on the planet. Why it's little Elmhurst, Illinois, population 43,000, smack dab in the middle of David Brooks' Heartland.

And what is it the Sodom-like cities of San Francisco and Portland, Oregon are Googling? Impeach Bush. That's right. They're thinking about assholes, but not the kind that turn on those perverts in Elmhurst.

Tampa was busy looking up dildo while in Fort Worth, Googlers were Googling for Viagra, which seems to validate what the rest of the country always suspected about Texans.

But for anal sex, gay sex, lesbian sex, vibrators and porn, nobody beats little Elmhurst.

Someone tell Bill O'Reilly we found him a new home.


Sandra Ruttan said...

"They're thinking about assholes, but not the kind that turn on those perverts..."

A line of such brilliance that you have officially been deified.

Now someone get me a golden calf and sacrificial lamb so I can pay tribute to David.

James Lincoln Warren said...

The Apotheosis of the Black Earth. I like it.

But I'll bet the locus for questions about rusty trombones is Durham, NC.

David Terrenoire said...

I like it too, James.

Does this mean I have to change all my checks?