Thursday, May 11, 2006

I looked on all the labor I had labored to do and behold, all was vanity.

One of the diversions of sitting in commuter traffic is trying to figure out just what the fuck those vanity plates mean. Take the plate up there. Sure, I bet the guy thought, "'Hot Car One', that's like so righteous, dude" or however they talk in New Hampshire. But to me, at a distance, it looks more like Hot Carl, which is closely related to a Cleveland Steamer or a Rusty Trombone, activities we hesitate to mention this close to Mother's Day.

(Mom, DO NOT Google Cleveland Steamer. Trust me.)

My daughter tells this story about a girl she knew. The girl had a vanity plate that read:


A friend looked at it, puzzled, and said, "Anus tart? What the hell is an anus tart?"

The girl, near tears, said, "It's 'A NEW START.'"

So be careful what you put on the back of your cars, ladies and gentlemen. Or do like me and let the guys in Central Prison decide what your plate will say. There's much less chance you'll sport an unintentional



Ted Baker said...

I recently sighted a woman driving a car with the licence plate:


Perhaps she's from the Blue Grass State.

James Lincoln Warren said...

One I saw the other day was "YMI INLA", which I thought a reasonable question given the traffic out here (assuming the driver didn't mean Louisiana, where she obviously wasn't), and I found myself asking, "Yeah why ARE you in LA? Go home!"

Your imitation of the New Hampshire dialect was spot on, at least since the plague of Valspeak has reached pandemic proportions. I know women from Canada who sound like they grew up in Sherman Oaks.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

After reading your post I felt a great shame.

Prior to this I had never heard of a Hot Carl or Rusty Trombone. Now granted, I'm glad I've never had firsthand experience of any of these, but you'd think I'd at least know the terms.

There's obviously something lacking in my education.

David Terrenoire said...


I know of Hot Carls second-hand, but a Rusty Trombone, now that's something every man should experience before he dies.

Oh, what, have I said too much?

James Lincoln Warren said...

You bark like a dog in a bathtub.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

"Oh, what, have I said too much?"

Yes. yes, you have.

secretdeadartist said...

About 10 yrs ago, or around the time these plates really started to take off, I saw one on a gleaming white Momte Carlo that had been lowered so it was sitting 3inches off the ground with blue lights underneath the rocker panels, and windows so dark I wonder how they could see out. Plate read BIGDICK. Still laugh when I think about it.

Japanese Used Cars said...
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john marshall said...

It gives me inspiration.I think I will also inspired by you and think about more new graffiti removal