I need one more person to help me smuggle bootleg liquor.

It's not like he didn't warn me. When my friend (?) Scott invited me to join his mob on Facebook, I figured, what the heck.

So, Facebook lays this never-ending story of criminal advancement in front of an obsessive person. I think we all know what happens after that.

One of the things you have to do to move up the ranks of the criminal underclass is to recruit others. So far, I've lured Flatulent Louie and Big J Daddy into my antisocial enterprise.

But I need more, always more. Join me. Come on. It won't hurt. Just stop by my safe house and join up.

I'll even buy you a gun.

As for the addiction, I can quit any time I want. Honest.