Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Get those gays out of uniform and back into cowboy boots where they belong.



Last year the Pentagon dismissed 726 service members for being gay. That's 10 percent more than 2004, so when Bush says "we're making progress," I now know how he measures it.

(As an interesting, word-related aside, the majority of the soldiers dismissed were found in Ft. Leonard Wood, a post I've always thought had the gayest name of any military post in the world, hands down.)

One of the soldiers dismissed recently was an Arabic translator. Yeah, we don't need those guys.

A question the Army investigators asked, guaranteed to suss out gayness in my opinion, was if the soldier had ever been in community theater. No, I am not making that up.

Because I'm a helper, I've put together some additional questions our military can use to root out those gay boys from our ranks.

1. Have you ever been a cheerleader?
2. How often do you use the word fabulous?
3. Are you most comfortable in the company of fawning, unmarried women?
4. Do you like to dress up in costumes?
5. Have you ever kissed another man?
6. Have you ever held hands with another man?

Anyone who answers these questions in the affirmative is gayer than organza, no matter how much he struts around like a cowboy.

But for a sure tipoff, anyone who wears a cowboy hat and cowboy boots but never rides a horse? Yeah, you know.

8 comments:

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Ah, yes, because sexual orientation determines one's ability to kick the shit out of random strangers.

Apparently, the boys in the Pentagon haven't spent a Friday night in Hollywood.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I use the word fabulous all the time!
And ummm,..... does kissing on each cheek count???
I'll be playing the blues tonight

Anonymous said...

another thing,..I am very comfortable in the company of fawning, unmarried women....especially sexy, beautiful women who appreciate a good blues lick or two.

Anonymous said...

Along with the kitten post, this may be my favorite yet.

Anonymous said...

Weren't you and Jenny in community theatre? Oh - sorry. I'm not supposed to ask or tell. Tony hugged me a little too tight last night at the Bayou. Oh- there I go again. Oops!

Sandra Ruttan said...

"anyone who wears a cowboy hat and cowboy boots but never rides a horse"

Glad you didn't post this before Stampede. Half of Calgary would have hated you.

David Terrenoire said...

Oh, I never presume to speak for an alien culture, Sandra.

It's Canada.

Sandra Ruttan said...

LOL!