Stupid kid candy

The folks over at Drink At Work report the snarkilicious things kids say when handed crappy Halloween candy and that got me thinking about the awful stuff I ate as a kid.

Do they still make Sen Sen?

If you've never heard of Sen Sen, it was the worst candy ever made. It was supposedly licorice breath mints but tasted more like licorice soap. When we were kids we'd smoke stolen cigarettes and think we were hiding the smell with Sen Sen. Since everyone smoked, it was probably the smell of Sen Sen on our breath that gave us away.

Jujubes. These were the Saturday matinee staple. I could eat three boxes of these hard little tooth destroyers, six if it was a double feature. Then I'd throw up. I haven't seen a box in years.

Licorice whips. What happened? When we whipped the Axis, did we also conquer the licorice territories? Where did all this licorice come from? That shit was everywhere. Even red licorice, which isn't natural.

Necco wafers. Always reminded me of Satan's communion wafer and they were dusty. I liked letting the gray ones dissolve on my tongue. Sneak a roll of these quarter-sized candies into class and they could last until lunch.

And was there ever anything more disgusting than that nasty-ass candy necklace?

Yeah, those grandmother chocolates with the hair gel in the middle. Jesus, who thought that was a good idea?

So waddle on in and set your fat ass down. If you want to share your childhood sugar traumas, you've come to the right place.