To quote Ken Kesey in The Whole Earth Catalog, "I've used cornstarch on my balls for years."If you don't know Ken Kesey or the Whole Earth Catalog, ask your grandparents.
Still, it was a great testimonial to the comforting power of cornstarch. I heartily recommend it to my male readers.
What I DON'T RECOMMEND is an unnamed Body Powder made with "soothing" oatmeal flour. Do not use this stuff anywhere near your balls. In fact, don't use this stuff in the same time zone as your balls. It is not soothing, unless you think pouring turpentine down your shorts is soothing. To call this powder soothing is to call Ann Coulter a kind and caring human being.
Oatmeal flour may be fine for pancakes and other comestibles, but it is not to be sprinkled on your balls, not unless you enjoy the feeling of your genitals in flames.
I say this in the spirit of public service.
And to explain why I was late to work this morning.
8 comments:
It took you this long to figure that out?
"Walk this way, sir..."
"LAdy if I oculd walk that way, I wouldn't need the cornstarch!"
Suddenly I'm channeling Groucho...
I may not know from much, but I know from balls. One should excercise restraint in any activity involving the nutsack.
Once burned, twice shy, as they say.
Speaking as someone without balls...I laughed my ass off at this column, Dave :)
If you shaved 'em you'd need it, but in a pristine state? Go with baby powder. The wee ones don't complain, do they?
Yes, I know, the Baby Jeebus is gonna strike me down with the awesome power of his diaper for commenting on this.
As far as I know, Rubber Tramps is the last major media project Kesey was involved in. (Full disclosure: I had nothing to do with the movie.) Ken Kesey died during the final edit, and the closest it got to theatrical release was a guerilla screening in Park City.
I mention this because Rubber Tramps has a new trailer on YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KKRBRozJPl4
Cornstarch on the sack rules! Good for long bike rides. Good for running. Good for sitting naked on pleather couches on hot days. Sucks when you have to peel your nuts off the furniture like one of those old colorform sets. Yikes!
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