I didn't want to end the week on a bum note, so here's some good news.
According to a story in the Times, a company in California, of course, has created a line of mutant kitties - “lifestyle pets” they call them — that are lacking the protein that cause human cat allergies.
These are sneeze-free kitties, ladies and gentlemen, thanks to mutated genes.
If you've suffered from cat allergies and feel your life is missing something profound by not having one of these critters around to claw your furniture and shit in your shoe, then you're in luck. Yes, and they're only $4000 each.
That's right. Four thousand dollars.
“You’re not just buying a cat; it’s a medical device,” a spokesperson for the company said defensively.
The scientists responsible for the allergy-free felines have noticed no side effects to their genetic meddling other than flaming flatulence.
"You might want to pick the kids up off the floor," said the spokesperson, "and wrap your shins in tin foil. But other than that, you're golden."
Next up: A mutated dog who can paint the house and quote Noam Chomsky.