There was a time when I thought Republicans reproduced by asexual spore formation because they seemed to hate sex. They hated it in books, film, TV, conversation, paintings, photos, song lyrics, cartoons, poetry, and jokes. They tried to stamp out sex in all places public and private and I got the feeling that they all thought sex was just too icky.
My favorite quote came from Bob Barr, Republican congressman from Georgia: "The flames of hedonism, the flames of narcissism, the flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundation of our society, the family unit."
Licking at the foundation of the family unit. Yeah, you can't make this stuff up.
This was the same Bob Barr who was photographed licking whipped cream off strippers at his inauguration party. Yep. That's right.
See, Republicans don't dislike sex. They like sex. A lot. In fact, these people are stone freaks. If you want a full accounting of GOP sexual frolics, go here. And that doesn't take into account the man-on-dog and man-on-turtle couplings that spring so scarily into their heads whenever they talk about sex in public.
But what got me this morning was the salacious story of country singer Sara Evans who is divorcing her husband saying he committed adultery, was abusive, drank excessively (like that's a big deal) and watched pornography.
I was thinking it was a regular story about rich people getting crazy until I read that her husband, the presently unemployed Craig Schelske, ran for Congress as a Republican in 2002.
Yes, another GOP freak. His estranged wife claims she found photos on their home computer of Craig playing hide the Osama with other women. Yikes! And at least 100 nude photographs of Craig in full chubb. Double Yikes!
In comparison to these people, my sex life is so normal that I could qualify as a monk.
I knew I should have become a Republican like our friend Mr. Rhoades. They seem to get all the hot freaky action.