Yes, I found each and every one of these and tried to upload them until my head exploded. Now, thanks to blogger's bitchy refusal to cooperate, you've missed them. So it is you, the reader, who is again buggered by blogger. Fucking free piece of shit. We apologize.)
This morning, this column appeared in the Raleigh News and Observer. In it, Phil Woodhall, MD reports on a new study titled "The Risk of Napping: Excessive Daytime Sleepiness and Mortality in an Older Community Population."
In other words, naps can kill you. As our friends across the water might say, Fuck all.
He also quotes W. Vaughn McCall, director of the sleep laboratory at Wake Forest University, who says, "if you are asleep and taking a nap you can't be doing other things to improve yourself -- like exercising."
Or keying your Mercedes or sleeping with your wife, Doctor Buzzkill.
But Doctor Woodhall is having none of it, bless him. I would quote extensively from the column because it's funny, but the N&O has a big-ass copyright warning on their page and as you all know, I would never ever steal something copyrighted, not even a cute photo of bunnies sleeping in their cozy little hutch, so I'll just steal a little bit of it.
Here then, taken from Dr. Phil Woodhall's column are Good Naps and Bad Naps: A Handy Guide:
1. Any nap from which you fail to awaken is by definition a bad nap.
2. A nap taken despite spousal threat, e.g., "Let's paint this afternoon; no time for napping," is at minimum an unwise nap.
3. The defensive nap is used to combat boredom, for example, during a sermon about sins you don't normally commit. In this circumstance ... snoring can turn the defensive nap into a bad nap with serious social repercussions.
4. There are many automotive naps. The good nap is taken in any seat but the driver's. The risky nap is taken while a teenager is driving. The bad nap, which may become the fatal nap or the orthopedic surgery nap, is one taken while you are behind the wheel.
I'm no doctor, but my dogs and I have put in a great deal of study on this topic and we've concluded that a nap is nothing short of God's gift to the procrastinating writer. Next thing you know, they'll say vodka is bad for you, then where will we be?
I encourage you to read Dr. Woodhall's complete column. It's fun.
But not as much fun as a nap.