Tuesday, October 13, 2009

It all started with a woman rubbing a lubed wand over my balls.

Happy, happy, joy, joy

The Prince of all Mexicans|MySpace Videos

It lasted almost an hour and it was the least dignified thing I've done since I wrote that direct-to-DVD screenplay.

As with that experience, this picture didn't turn out so good either. So my doctor looked at the sonograms, gave the picture a thumbs down and set up an appointment with a specialist.

For the past two weeks, Jenny and I have lived with the future of my balls hanging over us.

(Oh, that doesn't sound right.)

I said, "I'll become a fat eunuch in a muu muu, sitting around the house bitching in soprano," which made Jenny laugh, always good medicine.

Today, I met with the urologist. Without going into any more disturbing detail than I already have, his diagnosis was that I'm not sick, I'm just old. Apparently, it happens to a lot of us chair-bound geezers.

His cure? Move to Bora Bora. It's this society that has caused my balls to lose their photogenicity. Who knew?

So today, gentle readers, I am as happy as an old man can be, which is damn happy indeed.

I feel like someone shot at me and missed.


Bill Crider said...

Congrats on escaping the close call!

JD Rhoades said...

I had a similar scare a month or so ago. Fortunately, everything will remain attached for the foreseeable future. Glad you got a good result as well.

Anonymous said...

Between your balls and Ross Douthat, this blog is taking a disturbing turn for the icky.

Glad your nads are fine, though. Long may they hang.

You know what I mean.

Beneath the Carolina Moon said...

And once again with a nostalgic glance to college days... and we thought blue balls were tough!


Steve Malley said...

Fantastic! Congratulations!!

Scott said...

Ball cancer, eh? Well, I'm very glad your balls are ok. Some days, it's all a man's got.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

I refuse to make congratulatory comments about another man's genitalia. Expect the same response when you inevitably start talking about your colon.

That said, glad you're keeping them. I'm sure you're rather fond of them. I know I would be.

Of my own, not- Well, you know what I mean.

Keep dodging those bullets. Remember to stay down and not look too important. You don't anything mistaking you for an officer.