Wednesday, July 05, 2006

And as the sun sets over the Biltmore...

They say that a panel is only as good as its moderator and when I saw that the panel I was assigned was scheduled for Sunday morning, 9 a.m. I assumed we'd be preaching to an empty room.

The panelists, aside from one unknown drunk, were all worth the price of admission:

The lovely Louise Ure who said she liked my book, which shows she either has excellent taste or is not someone you'd ask to cut the cards.

Bette Golden Lamb and JJ Lamb, husband and wife team who through some kind of criminal yin and yang, achieve a cosmic balance.

Blake Crouch, a young writer who kicks major ass on the page and is a gentle, sweet father in person.

But, in spite of these luminaries, how could we possibly rouse the few stragglers who might wander into our panel?

Easy. Have the Reverend Rhoades stage an old fashioned tent revival right there in the gilded Biltmore conference room.

Can I get a witness?

We had a great house of enthusiastic parishioners and before the service was over, many had been called over to The Dark Side. Hallelujah!

Thank you, Reverend Rhoades for guiding your flock with such envigorating spirit.

(By the way, Reverend Rhoades has been short-listed for the Shamus award. You know what that means. Dusty is a fucking nominee, bitch. Do not stand in his way.)

There were many throughout the weekend who made the weekend so goddamn enjoyable. Here are the ones I was sober enough to remember:

Robert Gregory-Browne. This guy is obsessed with my exploding pants. I don't know why.

Elaine Flinn. It was an honor to share the verandah with Elaine, a woman who knows more about this biz than the rest of us combined. Every time she laughed at one of my jokes I felt like top billing at the Copa.

James Rollins. James was another who was sucked into the gravity of our traveling show, all to good effect. Those cuts will heal in time, James.

Mindy Tarquini. A regular here at the Planet. Sorry about that resaurant mix-up. I think it was Stephen who offered tp pick up your check. And just send the book here. I'll sign it and send it back. I promise.

Elizabeth Krecker. She adds so much heart and soul to this blog, as she did in Phoenix. What a beautiful lady. Now, how do I buy those pictures you say you have?

Michael MacLean. Here's another man who should know better than to let the clown circus snatch him up in the dead of night. But thank goodness, he doesn't.

Jason Pinter. The editor who stepped in at the last minute and before the weekened was out had sixty-two novels, three nonfiction mss and a chapbook of gay cowboy poetry pressed into his hands.

Janine Wilson. How much more love can I show the woman who has hand sold BAPM to friends and strangers. God bless you, Janine. I want to have your babies.

Nick Hughes. Taught us The Mind of the Streetfighter with charm, humor and the requisite amount of sheer amusement at the thought that any of us would stand a snowball's chance in a real dust-up.

Mark Gimenez. Mark wrote The Color of Law, another first novel. I liked the book and I liked Mark, a real class act, in spite of being from Dallas.

Marcus Sakey. Didn't I see you at the bar? Yeah. I thought so.

JT Ellison. Didn't we dance out on the croquet court at 3 a.m.? Or was that...

Chris Everheart. Chris was a very funny addition to the clown show and it seemed, whenever I turned a corner, there was Chris, smiling, ready to make me laugh.

But nothing would have been the same without this crew:

Annie Chernow, a woman of class, taste, charm and discernment. Why she wanted to hang out with us is a mystery.

Pat Mullan, a man who knows a thing or two about having a good time.

Stephen Blackmoore, one of the funniest men I've ever had the good fortune to meet.

Kim Mizar-Stem, who is funny, smart and so willing to grace a graying group of gnarled old men with her luminescent beauty. What a mitzvah.

And Dusty Rhoades, my homeboy. He's more than our spiritual leader, he's a fucking nominee, bitch!


JT Ellison said...

Didn't we dance out on the croquet court at 3 a.m.?

Is that what the kids are calling it these days???

Catalyst said...

David, thank you so much for posting that picture of Ms. Mizar-Stem. To show my gratitude, I stole it for my blog. Oh, I did give you credit, though.

And, if you were dancing on the tennis court, you know and can help me convince really is a dry heat.

Mindy Tarquini said...

Going to order the opus and have it sent to you, David. But I want something extra special in my signing. You know, something smarmy and sweet, overdone and poetic, perhaps even a little naughty.

You know, something I can treasure right up until the point I sell it for a lot of money on eBay after your second goes into multiple printings and the rank and file are scrabbling for copies of your first.

Brett Battles said...

Oh to be forgotten. I feel so used.

Anonymous said...

Hey, it's easy to sell a book you love....babies are not necessary. Really. Another good book would be my preference. Really.

David Terrenoire said...

Goddamn, Brett, I'm having this huge brain spasm when it comes to Killer Year folks. It's probably because every time I saw any of you all I could think was, "I want that hat. I WANT that hat."

Of course, that's not all I was thinking around toni, but I'm old enough, and have enough restraining orders, to know to keep those thoughts to myself.

Anonymous said...

Great news for Dusty - - let's us say amen!

Should I be a bit scared that my photo has been stolen?? I certainly got in with fun group - lucky me!

JD Rhoades said...

Bless you all, my children. Yea, verily, I say unto you, it was an honor to lead such a fine congregation.

But I have had a vision, children. I have had a vison that turned my knees to water, my backbone to jelly, and my toes to Dolly Madison Cakes.

I saw a 900 foot Jesus standing by the water tower here in Carthage, North Carolina, telling me that if I don't win the Shamus, God is going to call me home.

You have been warned.

Mike MacLean said...

Thanks for the link man.

My only regret about Thriller Fest is not tipping a few drinks back with you guys. But we did have screaming orgasms together…wait, that didn’t sound right.

Jason Pinter said...

You know carrying all those manuscripts around wasn't bad at first, but it was that collection of gay cowboy poetry that finally broke my back.


Anonymous said...

Well, David, I remember you... (ahem)

(it's okay, there was a lot of booze flowing that night)

Elizabeth Krecker said...

David, you were absolutely one of the highlights of Thrillerfest! Or was it the exploding balls and talking cats conversation at 2:30 a.m.? Hmmm......

And those photos? Why, hon, that will be simple...promise me a couple of stiff shots of strong whiskey at Thrillerfest II, and your wish is my command!!

Chris Everheart said...

Thanks for the mention. I had fun with you too! Kim and I are starting a blog. Check it out. But we're completely green so feel free to throw your suggestions our way.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Ya know, I get called funny a lot. Usually it's right after sex, but you take what you can get, I suppose.

Anonymous said...

"A woman of class, taste, charm, and discernment" replies:

No mystery, my dear David & Co., as to why I wanted to hang out with y'all. It was the pure delight of being in such illustrious & witty company and,um, the free drinks!

We'll be watching for your film "The Panamanian Hooker Home Companion." When's that release date again?


Unknown said...


What a great time I had! And I hold you and Dusty and Stephen and Annie entirely responsible. Had it been any better I am sure I would be engaging the professional services of Mr. Rhoades (the legal ones, that is, in case you misunderstand me) to bail me out of whatever trouble you managed to get me into ....

Loved every minute of it!

Slan, Pat

Louise Ure said...

David, you can always trust me to cut the cards. Just keep a sighter eye out for me when I deal.

And Dusty, after seeing that hallelujah performance of yours, I don't think you'll need that Jesus-at-the-water-tower luck for the Shamus!