I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.

It's one thing to attend the world's largest conference of mystery writers and fans in the glittering city of Madison, Wisconsin.

Yes, and it's great fun to drink with people who make shit up for a living.

And not many conferences can compete with a crowd who can recite a dozen different ways to kill a man before breakfast.

No.

But do they get to wear Achiever T-shirts and bowl with the guy who played Jesus' team mate? Huh? I don't think so.

And do they get to hear The Sadies, billed as Canada's best live band? Nope. Not a chance.

And do they get to meet one of the inspirations for Walter? Shut the fuck up, Donny. They do not.

So, while you're tossing 'em back with the gilded authors of criminal mischief, think of what you're missing in Louisville. That's right. The Fifth Annual Lebowskifest, the only conference built around a man, a movie, and man's love for knocking down pins.

Now, I'm going to go make a White Russian, put on my bowling shirt and listen to The First Edition (with vocals by Kenny Rogers).

Later, I might even watch the movie.

Eat your hearts out, Bouchercon-goers.

The Dude abides.