Friday, September 29, 2006

Finally, Star Wars finds a way into my pants.


What you find when you follow links like bread crumbs through the forest:

The Top 176 Star Wars Lines Improved
By Replacing A Word With "Pants"

1. I find your lack of pants disturbing.
2. You are unwise to lower your pants.
3. Chewie and me got into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
4. I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.
5. The Force is strong in my pants.
6. Your pants, you will not need them.
7. Governer Tarkin. I should have expected to find you holding Vader's pants.
8. You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.
9. I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your pants.
10. I sense the conflict within you. Let go of your pants!

To read the rest go here.

7 comments:

secretdeadartist said...

"Following links like bread crumbs" is something that always happens after watching The Big Lebowski, or really any movie by the brothers Cohen. Although I usually end up with a locked computer and John Goodman's sweaty grin/sneer in a continuous loop that doesn't stop until I turn off the power.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Okay, this is why I can't drink when I'm reading your stuff. I have to clean the goddamn monitor. Of course, I can't drink when I'm around you. either, but that's only because my wife doesn't want to have to bail me out of another Mexican jail for monkey smuggling. Thank god she doesn't know about the donkey show.

David Terrenoire said...

Stephen,

Do you get the idea that we're the only writers not in Madison today?

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Yes. The fuckers.

Mike MacLean said...

Wait, is something going on in Madison?

Michelle Wylie said...

Uncle D--

Okay, I'm hooked...not on your pants...just on your site. I had no idea back in my youthful days you were so funny. I think I was too busy trying not to let my trailor trash roots shine through. I am through with denying my trailorness...and hell, some things just can't be undone. I digress...the pants thing. I think you should do some Military Speak with the whole "pants" motif...

1. Sir! Do you think the demeanor of our pants is causing the current hostilities against coalition forces in the AO? (the fact that every Joe in theatre in in constant state of erection due to general order number one--which I'm sure it states in there somewhere that masturbating is punishable by death)

2. Pants will be served in the DFAC today.

3. Drop your pants and give me 20. (that's my favorite)

4. I think the pipeline infrastructure has greatly improved with the addition of pants at every checkpoint.

5. Soldier, WHERE ARE YOUR PANTS? YOU CAN'T FIGHT THE ENEMY WITHOUT PANTS? WARS ARE NOT WON WITH THE NUMBER OF PANTS THEY ARE WEARING, BUT WITH THE NUMBER OF PANTS WE ARE WEARING. IT IS OUR JOB TO MAKE THE OTHER GUY TAKE OFF HIS PANTS! NOW GO GET SOME PANTS BOYS! FUCK THE AMMO, FUCK THE IED'S...WE WANT PANTS!

Melliferous Pants said...

Love it!

I like to play the Pants game with church hymns from my childhood. The Spirit of God Like A Fire Is Burning- IN MY PANTS!