Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I was in a bar.
Shocking, I know, but true. It was the Blue Bayou in Hillsboro, my home place. Last year the owner, Gary Lee, asked what I had to do to get the New York Times to review Beneath A Panamanian Moon.
I said, "I don't know, Gary, but I probably have to blow somebody."
Gary thought a minute and said, "Can it be anybody?"
Which brings me to Ann Coulter and how she gets on the Times bestseller list.
See, Ann is the protege of Richard Mellon Scaife, a billionaire who made his money the old-fashioned way - he inherited it. Scaife is so far to the right, and so rich, he can create his own little Goebbels-like meat puppets and Ann is one of his most successful creations, if you don't count the Adams apple.
When Ann first started writing her hardback polemics, Regnery press published them and Scaife bought 'em by the truckload in numbers so huge they instantly catapulted Ann to the top of the NYT list. Of course, there was a tiny dagger, smaller than Ann's heart, next to the title indicating bulk sales.
But who really looks at those little daggers? Nobody.
This allowed Sean Hannity and other media whores to book Ann for their shows because she was a best-selling author (and to be fair, she was entertaining in a psycho killer clown kind of way) and that would generate real book sales until Ann was truly a best-selling author giving her access to more TV to sell more books. Brilliant.
So, if we were to deconstruct this strategy, one could say that the smartest thing to ever come out of Ann's mouth was Richard Mellon Scaife's dick. One could say that.
Which would make my original story truer than ever. You might have to blow somebody to get in the Times, but it can't be just anybody.
Ask Ann, she knows.