Friday, March 31, 2006

Why are these children trying to kill you?


The Godless heathens at Harvard Med School checked out the power of prayer and I have some bad news. If you know that a person is praying for you, you're fucked. Clinically speaking.

The research, appearing in the April issue of the American Heart Journal, followed 1,802 patients undergoing coronary bypass surgery at six hospitals. Of those, one-third weren’t prayed for, another third were prayed for without their knowledge, and the rest knew they were the subject of prayers.

The findings? People who knew they received intercessory prayers had the highest chance of complications of the three groups at 59 percent. Of those patients who didn’t know they were the subject of secret prayers, complications occurred in 52 percent of those who were prayed for and 51 percent of those who weren’t.

In other words, if someone's praying for you, your chances of recovery are worse than if your friends and family went out and got knee-walking drunk. (Please, keep this in mind if I ever have a heart attack.)

So, next time some sanctimonious ass with weepy eyes whispers in your ear, "I'll pray for you," you might want to get a lawyer. That bitch is trying to kill you.

6 comments:

Ted Baker said...

Another great image.

I think you need to consider making a photo book.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Great. And I thought all I had to worry about were Thetans, now you spring this on me.

Sandra Ruttan said...

Okay, I'm officially cursing everyone from now one.

Damn you to hell Terrenoire!

Olen Steinhauer said...

I'd thought about posting on this subject, but knew the Planet would pull it off with more grace, or something.

Jennifer Jordan said...

I, too, was planning on posting on this subject but couldn't summon the sardonic verbage to cover the subject as it should be covered - with wit and rancour.

Steve Ordog said...

Although this is off topic, it reminds me of a blessing often given by the priests at Holy Cross College - in the College pub. My brother was a bartender there briefly years ago and often people would argue sports with each other and if they argued too strenuosly for a Holy Cross College rival, more than once my brother heard a priest say, "Drink heavily and drive home fast, my son." Would this be the type of prayer we are discussing here?