See that thing up there? That crystal phallus isn't handed out willy nilly like condoms at the free clinic, partner. You have to earn that baby. Because that coveted objet d'art is awarded only to those who have returned the right surveys, checked the right boxes and appeared on the right lists. For this, ladies and gentlemen, is the award for
National Republican Congressional Committee
Business Advisory Council's
Businessman of the Year
That's right. And it came addressed to a guy so broke at the end of 2005 that he couldn't pay attention. A guy so broke that he couldn't change his mind. A guy so broke that a dollar once jumped from his pocket because it was tired of being alone.
That guy is me. The Republican Businessman of the Year.
You can write your own jokes here.