Sunday, June 04, 2006

Bow down, mortals, for you are in the presence of greatness.

Not just any great man, but a true god of commerce, a deity of the almighty dollar, a demiurge of dinero, in the pantheon of capitalists like Jack Welch and Warren Buffet.

See that thing up there? That crystal phallus isn't handed out willy nilly like condoms at the free clinic, partner. You have to earn that baby. Because that coveted objet d'art is awarded only to those who have returned the right surveys, checked the right boxes and appeared on the right lists. For this, ladies and gentlemen, is the award for

the
National Republican Congressional Committee
Business Advisory Council's
2005
Businessman of the Year
That's right. And it came addressed to a guy so broke at the end of 2005 that he couldn't pay attention. A guy so broke that he couldn't change his mind. A guy so broke that a dollar once jumped from his pocket because it was tired of being alone.
That guy is me. The Republican Businessman of the Year.
You can write your own jokes here.

12 comments:

John R. said...

Sell it! For booze money!

It's what any self-respecting republican businessman would do!

Jim Winter said...

That's funnier than the Libertarian Party always trying to recruit me. ("Um... Sure. You fly the unregulated plane and eat the unregulated meat first, dude.")

Funnier than the GOP sending me emails telling me how excited they are to be able to spam me.

I'd say funnier than the Democrats doing something, but they just seem to hide in the corner around here.

American politics is pathetic. I can't wait until the country collapses and we have some anarchy we can work with.

Sincerely,

Your future Supreme Overlord

Sandra Ruttan said...

You're republican?

Anonymous said...

Great...another giant phallus.

James Lincoln Warren said...

How much did you have to donate?

We at PHARTS, of which you are a prominent member if not a giant phallus, understand the value of bribe-oriented awards, since that's how our selection committees work, too. But I have to ask: how many other people were also the 2005 Business Man of the Year?

David Terrenoire said...

Commodore,

Excellent question. If they're sending these things to people who have been registered Democrats since 1972, my guess is, they sent out these little statues by the trainload.

And no, Sandra, I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the Republican Party.

What I've done for decades is put myself on GOP rolls so that they send me all sorts of swag, from lapel pins to autographed pictures of the Bush family. It's my way of sucking a few cents away from The Mighty Wurlitzer.

You do what you can do and sometimes, you get an award like the wonderful little phallus you see here.

Republican Businessman of the Year. Hey, I can deficit spend with the best of 'em.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

You had to blow a stockbroker for that, didn't you?

David Terrenoire said...

Well, Stephen, I'm not sure blow is the correct term, but I was on my knees and she was very attractive.

Plot Baby Plot said...

Is that a Republican Business Advisory Council's 2005
Businessman of the Year Award in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?

Elizabeth said...

That's got to be one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen! I can think of all kinds of jokes, but I'd need a couple or three stiff whiskeys before I could write them in public!

otis said...

...That was no stockbroker... that was my wife!...

[stock punchline # 34-A654]

Sandra Ruttan said...

Oh, good, I was getting a whole different idea of you.